ARGO

I struggle with the general movements towards thinking the animal, I find it somewhat overly confident or audacious, I mean what is the meaning of this endeavour? The love for animals does not derive from a natural affinity, both humans and animals adapt themselves in the face of new environments and each other. And I don’t think writing or theorising animals reveals anything about the dynamic or relation between the two, in fact it is a disservice if it is in the name of the animal. Both human and animal must lose each other if they are ever to meet, where human no longer resembles human and animal no longer resembles animal in the presence of one another. Extensive writing again offers nothing to this, so I attempt to write how I relate to my cat in ways that resemble those I have with humans. I initially only wrote this with my cat in mind but after re-reading realised it cannot be brought outside the human for we are both domesticated to our home.

My cat comes to lay beside me for reasons beyond me, he makes a choice I couldn’t predict to have happened, I’m merely occupied with other activities. He makes himself comfortable next me, sometimes eliciting a strong affective response, where I clench my teeth from his adorability. I don’t need to pat him or snuggle him intensely, witnessing him is enough. I do not decide to feel this way, he decides for me. What is this relationship between human and animal, insofar as the indifference between us? I believe he is somewhat unaware of my feelings towards him because at times I have the desire to pet him but resist such urges because he’s asleep and I don’t want to disturb him. Could this be my own indifference to him as he comes to me for company and petting? I cannot deny he wants to join me because I sometimes wish he didn’t come into my room, an action he commits without my choice that brews frustration inside me. Or when he persistently licks himself, making irritating sounds that cause me to believe it is bad even for his own sake. He is at least indifferent to these desires of mine, not even that I want to be alone but I don’t want to be under the obligation of his company. However, the same is true from the pleasure I derive from his company for this is not attributable to me but to him. It is only because of his own wishes to be next to me, an experience I cannot initiate that simultaneously inhibits both my desire to send him away or excessively pet him because I want him to stay as he is. He invades my room and turns me into a strange animal, there is only so much I can do when he arrives.