Flirting is obscene or has been in its appearance in metropolises and digital media. Flirting has become sincere and those who flirt can only do so with innocence, insofar as flirting itself can only be enacted under its guise. When was flirting ever innocent or sincere? Whoever is pursuing their love interest is actively attempting to reach them and in some sense always already have, who’s to know who we are to the love interest themself? The love interest has already made some determination as to who the pursuer is after crossing each others paths and usually its the pursuers belief in their interests unknowing which is alluring. The pursuer believes they know everything on the condition that their interest can’t know they are interested, that is what keeps the pursuit going. However, “unknowing” today is what’s considered either flirtatious and appealing, the pursuer acts unassumingly of others rather than of themself. This could also be accounted for in terms of following social conventions, to be polite is not to assume anything of anyone and not to be too honest about ourselves.
We see on digital platforms sex workers and models disclose their nerdy or quirky side despite the idealisation of their bodies or celebrities who reveal their “honest” selves, normalising what we all do alone. These are obvious examples which are only interesting in the sense of flirting, the screen (the medium) flirts with us by revealing our secrets to ourselves. These messages, the “affirmative” ones, already know we don’t believe ourselves to be as good as anything our screens present us with. And if we are to take these people or messages as if they are “real” they are merely saying, “I don’t think I’m enough as a celebrity, or my ass is not big enough to me”, because thats all they are. The medium functions on users own self-doubt, the medium does not condition self-doubt, self-doubt is the condition for the medium to send messages to circumscribe; technology is so repeatable since our doubts are subject to change through it. We reach for the screen to believe otherwise and trust ourselves only in the warmth of its glare, we are always the messages progenitor. Ironically then, screens don’t make us insecure but are more securing than anything, it is those already hating themselves and don’t know it who will hate themselves more because screens operate as if we don’t. Besides, these messages of sincerity and vulnerability presuppose they weren’t before us knowing.
But if we return to flirting amongst the masses, we see more often than not men flirting by talking to women with “woman” language (digital language), referring to them as ‘queens’, ‘divas’, ‘girl’ precisely to hide from everyone they want to fuck. These signs are all bait and yet are attributed to men who aren’t men and who understand women better than themselves. Thus, if a woman responds positively he will too (not necessarily in ways she agrees with), affirming a pursuit that already begun before meeting her since these words belong to screens anyways (that’s how she knows them too!). The irony is that these signs aren’t innocent and we believe otherwise because they are “women’s”, men become women amongst women to then fuck like a man. This is no different to past chauvinism, except maybe men used to be more feminine in trying to appear masculine, believing they could disappoint their simulation of women. Hence, men presently are (or can be) masculine by being just as feminine as women and are themselves a simulation of women, their womanly interest having already come before they know. Masculinity now performs itself as feminine to be more masculine than masculine, no one can guess how masculine they are and is why it’s no laughing matter. Those who laugh at performative masculinity want to believe these men can’t touch them because they aren’t who they appear as. But to puff our chests just as high as these men is to be as masculine as them when we don’t know how masculine they are. We give them greater reason to continue doing as they please.
This includes also those (women and men) who flirt by teasing their interest, another performance of femininity where the performer isn’t acting since she doesn’t believe it herself. Instead she wants to see how their interest responds to make a decision for themself and whether they are a good candidate to fuck; do they have the same worth as me? This is practically public masturbation whilst poking their interest. It is a form of pressure not because the interest can see someone derives pleasure from them without knowing how or why. Rather, the derivation itself is predicated upon forcing the expression of the interests own subjectivity. This process is indefinite, the teaser can read anything into their interests responses to prolong the pursuit, whatever exceeds their expectations is a sign of the pursuits non-existence; affirming to make predetermined future moves. In the absence of sex these flirters force “soft consent”, their interests are consenting to something only the flirter knows prior to meeting them. Deception then becomes tricky because the interest didn’t or couldn’t not consent to something they have never seen which we’d hypothesise comes for our socialising moral codes.
The covertness of flirting is now right before the eyes and overt, the dangers of flirting for the pursuer are ever more mitigated for themselves since flirting has always been the attempt to stop the chance for the pursuit to be found. Flirting used to be scary and nerve racking, the pursuer tried to guarantee the event of being together in the future and not previous to such (the present), hiding their interest at all costs. All moves made are for future chances and not present ones, only the interest without knowing is making all present moves determining the pursuers. The past becomes obsolete in the belief of opening future possibility’s for the pursuer because they believe the interest might be interested back. This uncertainty forced everything to be done for an unknown future, the chance they are liked back. This however is undetermined in relation to present conditions, only once their interest makes an incalculable move on them will they say yes, acting as if they hadn’t before. The interest here is free and not even the pursuer knows at what point their interest was interested, the pursuer doesn’t necessarily know what their yes means as it is their interest who’s made the move. The interest can without even knowing reject or forbid the pursuers pursuit, nothing the pursuer does themself is innocent as it’s all planned on something that hasn’t happened. And yet if it doesn’t happen then the interest wasn’t touched at all and the pursuit was an illusion to begin with.
However, the face of flirting as sincere and playful establishes itself in the possibility of the pursuers and interests wishes to be broken. Flirting isn’t dangerous for the flirter, flirters have found a way to close the chance of failure and leave unscathed. The flirter predicates the pursuit presently by assuming a future where they didn’t meet. These flirters are only blind to themselves, the performance and gaming with their interest is more real to themselves than anything. If they are denied, nothing stops them from that pursuit starting again no matter who it is. There is no faith their interest could be interested back and so the interest becomes inconsequential when they are interested, unless it is disappointing.
What we have here is a reversal of positions, the flirter who is in the dark and hides their pursuit from the threat of being identified could be considered innocent or cute only if their interest knew from the very beginning. The interest finds the pursuit excessive, waiting for the pursuer to give up as there was nothing to be afraid of, their diligence implies an excessive care which is endearing; the pursuer once found can then blush in slight embarrassment. This is when it would make sense to be teased by the interest because it was ridiculous to try so hard! The flirter now appropriates the former interest’s affirmation to eradicate the pressing possibility of being discovered. The interest is now an instrument for self-discovery and the night previously encumbering the pursuer is absorbed by the interest; the pursuer is in a blinding day. The love interest truly never existed but at least the flirters pursuit did depend on the interest speaking for themself without ever needing to agree on the meaning of the pursuit. However, the flirters pursuit doesn’t depend on their interest but themself, their innocence acts as the interest having spoken for themself when in truth the flirter is only pursuing themself. The flirters pursuit defers their inevitable desire for sex, just waiting to here the yes and then to pounce, can we even say that pursuit is a pursuit any longer? The pursuit is a mask placed upon oneself, we are always already there but there is nowhere to go if the interest cannot be the yes to the flirter themself. The difference is the flirter previously by necessity had to not believe in the present possibility of being interested back because of the future chance of being interested back, a risk for themselves and sex is not a question. The flirter now by necessity believes in the present possibility in being interested back for the future chance of not, sex becomes a risk for both of them.
